Uh Oh. He’s embraced it. He’s embraced being the bad guy.
LeBron has just embraced Darth Vader. It’s finally happened. My friend mentioned an article that I would definitely reference if I could remember where it was from. But the article made the point that LeBron has always been the superhero and never the villain. As soon as he murmured the words I’m taking my talents to south beach the hero died and the first part of this NBA season LeBron wasn’t used to being the villain, he’s always the hero.
Something happened recently, the hero went back to the town that he once protected… wait, enough with the comic talk, I’ll try to stop that now. He went back to the city he spurned, he was supposed to be the savior and then in their eyes he went Judas on them. Cleveland. Poor Cleveland, it feels as though they are just destined for absolute failure. LeBron went to his hometown to more boos than he’s ever heard in his collective 7 year NBA career and although that may sound foreign it’s not. He’s booed every time he plays in somewhere that’s not Miami.
But! This hero complex disappeared in one game. It wasn’t until Cleveland that he embraced this villain and went dark side on us. LeBron scored at will and he sat out the entire 4th quarter and the Heat still won by 50…okay 30(ish).
It was at that moment everything changed and he knew it. He knew that the only way to silence everyone is to kick their asses so badly that they have no choice but to shut up. If they didn’t shut up he’d keep on embarrassing them, and that’s what he’s doing now.
LeBron is back and he’s better than ever. He’s LeBron 2.0 aka LeBronakin Jameswalker. The one time jedi may have just figured out the powers of the dark side. He displayed that last night when he dropped a triple double on New York – the one time hopeful recipient of one LBJ.
So here we are the man has just killed Padme and he’s officially Vader. Who knows how long the dark side reign will last, who knows who the Sith Lord is, and who knows which one D Wade and Chris Bosh are… I don’t want to speculate on how this all ends because I’m having too much fun watch the Dark Side. But we all know how it ends.
I’ve seen it with my own 2 eyes. I’ve talked about it with my friend. I’m sure there are about 10 personalities that take up the gym, and you can spot them from a mile away. In my expert gym opinion this is who occupies the terrain:
The guy who sings real loud on the treadmill. Sometimes these people don’t even have headphones in.
The air boxer guy. This is pretty self explanatory, as these people are always air boxing with or without weights. They do it in every crevice of the gym, they sometimes wear heavy clothes, and oh, they have never actually thrown a punch in their entire life.
The slow mover. This guy or girl sits at a station and uses it for multiple exercises. If they are on a machine, lets say the bench press machine; they use it for the bench press, sit ups, push ups, and for general sitting.
The ripped guy in jeans. There is always that person who is wearing jeans and 90 percent of the time they’re ripped. It’s as if they’re saying, “I don’t care that much, I’ll wear my jeans.”
The cell phone person. 10 percent gym time 90 percent cell phone time.
The lounger. The guy who plays basketball and puts on his sandals and walks around talking to people.
The Dancer. The Dancer sometimes can be mixed in with the guy who sings loud on the treadmill. But the dancer is stealth – out of nowhere someone will look like a jabbawockey and busts a standing 360 ballet move.
The Mirror Gazers. We all look at ourselves in the gym. But there are the people who LOOK at themselves in the gym. This is can range from the pre workout to the post. Also, this person can clog up some serious room simply because they’re flexing. You may catch them checking out their abs.
The over-analyzer. No work out, too much time analyzing people in the gym… I may fall here.
There are a few ideas and thoughts that rest in my mind on a daily basis: invisible dog leashes, stores that sell only cereal and have a cereal bar, the shoes from back to the future 2, and most importantly… A life with more bridges. I think that the bridge is basically any solution to most city problems.
I live in Los Angeles and I witness the daily human congestion. I always tell my friends and anyone who will listen “if a bridge were here there would be no problems!” Seriously, think about it. I want you to look at any problematic intersection and ask yourself, could a bridge solve a problem here? I’m willing to bet the answer is yes.
Let’s not forget that buildings are building UP so why can’t sidewalks? How do you build a sidewalk up you may ask… yes, it’s a bridge. Also, the view from a bridge is better.
This brings me to the ingenious idea of the day. I just finished reading a Yahoo article that said Madison Square Garden is doing some renovations by the year 2013. One of the main things they’re putting in – yes, a bridge. A bridge is going to be hanging high above hockey and basketball games for more spectators.
Forget all of the crazy bad things that could happen on the bridge, just think of how great bridges are. It’s like the Madison Square Garden president Hank Ratner and I share the thought of bridge, I invite you to share this thought.
The Spork. If you've forgotten it's a half spoon half fork and it seems to only be utilized in kids lunchrooms. Also, it's also a flimsy plasticy excuse of a utensil. Come to think of it, I don't know if I've ever seen anything other than a plastic spork.
I have exhausted way to much time thinking about this. What am I thinking about? Well, I can't seem to think of a reason not to use sporks. They seem so obviously convenient that I don't know the downfall, it's kind of like hybrid cars. It just makes sense.
I am here to plant the spork seed in your mind. Let it germinate and eventually blossom into a reality. The next time you're eating stir fry with rice you will absolutely appreciate a half spoon half fork. And if you can think of the downside of this nifty concoction, I'd love to hear it because I got nothing.
Wow. Here is the wikipedia history of the spork (gotta be true) apparently it's also called a "foon"
If you want to purchase one for Christmas or Thanksgiving: Click here!
How long can you go without an insult? How long can you go without making a negative judgment towards someone? Or how long can you go without being completely negative in any given situation?
If you can make it 1 hour during the day you are more successful than 76 percent of the population. Time yourself…
It’s the eve of the historic midterm election and I think I’m asking the question that everyone is thinking: What happened to baseball? Did anyone even know the World Series was on tonight? The Giants VS The Rangers. I was more focused on watching Monday Night Football than I was the final game of the World Series where the Giants finally won for the first time in 50 plus years.
But seriously, what happened to baseball? Maybe what happened is the wrong question. We all know that baseball is a slow sport, if you hit the ball more than 30 percent of the time you’re considered great. That leaves us with 70 percent of boring strike outs and a handful of pitches that don’t seem too impressive from a TV point of view. Boredom, that’s what happened. Let’s break this down for a second.
When I grew up in the 80’s baseball was king. What kid didn’t look at the back of a baseball card to check the stats of their favorite player? In the 80’s it seemed that the aura of baseball still lived on, even sort of in the 90’s. Late 90’s early 2000’s we got the steroid induced years that re-energized baseball and somehow now it’s faded - it seems.
So what happened? Well, it’s pretty simple: the sport is too slow. When did it happen? Sometime in the last 20 years. How did it happen? I think it starts with the Internet. It starts with the way we need our information now: GO GO GO GO. Basball isn’t that – Football is, Basketball is, and even Soccer is. Baseball is an “old man’s” sport, it’s for the guy who wants to keep stats at the game, and it’s for the nostalgic guy who says “back in my day.”
It’s unfortunate to some degree. I foresee baseball making a major change over the next 10 years. Unless 3-D TV can somehow pump life back into the deflated ball there are going to be some major changes. Our record books of baseball are going to be dated like B.C. and A.D. and we’ll one day talk about how things were so different, there may even be a time limit on games one day.
However as this change happens I think it’s important to note that there is no experience like going to a baseball game. I’m the new old man who has nostalgia when I think of ballparks, and because of that I hope 3 things never change in the game of baseball. I give you the 3 prerequisites of a live ballgame:
1) It is mandatory to bring a glove to the ballpark if you’re under the age of 15.
2) It is mandatory to order peanuts.
3) It is mandatory to order a beer if you bring your child to a game…or if you’re over the age of 21.
In the world of ratings baseball has no choice but to adapt. But my God I hope the 3 nostalgic prerequisites never falter.
Here is a LINK to what I think borders a very serious problem we may be facing. Or we have already reached this point and I don’t fully see it yet. The load of crap I’m talking about deals with Google CEO Eric Schmidt. He recently described Apple as having a:
“..core strategy of closed-ness,” while embracing that this has “worked extremely well” for Apple. “You have to use their development tools, their hardware, their software, when you submit an application they have to approve it. That would not be open. So the inverse would be open.”
He called Apple “closed” and said he wants openness. Although I agree with him on a certain level I recall Google and Verizon had a Net Neutrality proposition. I guess I don’t see how the words google, net neutrailty, and openness can go together.
The other comment. As he was discussing the future of technology and Google:
“…you’re never lonely…you’re never bored…you’re never out of ideas.”
Admittedly that sounds kind of ideal. It sounds really cool. But it strikes me that Google thinks they can adjust any single human being to be the way they want. We won’t even be thinking on our own. I won’t think I’m bored because Google will tell me I’m not. I think we’re blasted with enough merchandise, TV, and every other “feel good” feeling for now.
However, this cannot be avoided. Schmidt is right. Everyday we’re already told what to like, wear, drive, and think. I guess I give him credit for at least being very upfront about it. It kind of makes him badass in a way. He just told us how he’s planning to jedi mind trick us. But, it’s scary because I know it will happen.
Having said this - I embrace you technology. We all know this is a boat that can’t slow down.
I’m sure by now you’ve heard that the kid who started facebook AKA Mark Zuckerberg recently donated 100 million dollars to a Newark public school. Then I’m sure you heard a smart winded comment about how it’s perfect PR timing because The Social Network (coming next week and looking awesome) doesn’t depict him in the best light. You can click HERE or HERE to see what both the Wall street journal and NY magazine said about it, if you don’t want to click those links than let me sum it up – they praised him on his PR timing.
PR timing? Really?
Who cares about what a movie is saying about this guy or why he chose to donate it now. A mid – 20 year old pulled a Bill Gates and dropped some of his money into a cause he didn’t need too. I’m not sure if this is a sign of the times but if you’re one of the people who agrees with the PR stunt than I’d say take a minute and think about the good this is going to do.
Is this a very convenient time to donate money? Yes. But it’s also a convenient time to help out a struggling school and economy. For all of you who say: “he won’t even notice the money is missing” as if that is some sort of excuse. Who cares that Zauckerberg has 6 point whatever billion dollars. Money is money and nobody likes to see it go…nobody.
So what’s the point? What am I saying? Don’t be the disgruntled guy/girl, hope that Newark actually improves their schooling, and go sign up for facebook.
I’m waiting. I’m waiting. I’m having shallow assessments even though I don’t want too. I look at that girl and think one thing. I look at that guy and think of another thing. I catch myself and become annoyed with myself because I hate when people judge what they don’t know, and I’m doing it. I hear the bell CLING and hear a voice over the intercom of the cheerful Colleen:
Flight 818 to Los Angeles is allowing upgrades for 99.00 dollars. That means you upgrade to business class – you’re the first one on and the first one off. Also, you have your own flight attendant.
Thanks, Colleen. Who would want to upgrade for a four-hour flight at this point? Why is it so expensive? Why do I feel inadequate because I can’t justify the money on the upgrade? Also, when did “business class” become the new “first class” who are they kidding. Are we trying to pretend that “classes” don’t exist?
I’ll just sit here and hope my mind doesn’t wander down the judgmental road. Just as I thought that an older man who with a cane and briefcase, who looked like he popped out of the movie UP (judging) strolled about 2 seats away from me. As he sat down I looked and gave the head nod. Apparently that was all he needed, because in his partially raspy voice he said -
Are you going to Denver?
No, Los Angeles.
I’m going to Denver. But I don’t like to sit so close to all the people so I always sit in the gate away from my gate. But I can keep an eye on things from here.
He was with me sitting at Gate 70 while crowds started to form at Gate 68 heading to Denver.
My sister lives in Colorado. It’s beautiful.
Ah, yeah. I’m just going to go.
Oh. Okay.
I am.
Okay.
You don’t think I am.
He’s right, I’m sitting in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and I didn’t think this mid 70’s man was just going somewhere just to go. But I thought I was being nice by playfully agreeing with him.
Sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go, he said.
At first I didn’t know if he was talking about peeing but I assume he meant flying.
Who you going to visit?
Nobody, I live in Los Angeles.
Why you here?
My family lives here.
You happy to go to LA?
I was going to make some shallow comment about how great the weather is and how I love Los Angeles. But I thought I would go with the truth route for now.
Yes I’m happy but it’s tough to leave my family sometimes.
And you can’t beat the weather!
(he said it not me)
Exactly.
It’s tough to leave?
I think so.
You a worrier?
I tried to make a joke, We all worry don’t we?
No.
Shit. He said No with such authority I actually believed him.
How do you not worry? Do you have family?
I do.
And you never worry? Not once?
I did. But it doesn’t help.
Well yeah, it doesn’t help it just happens.
He took a long moment...
I suppose you’re right. Just don’t worry about what’s behind you. If you worry about what’s behind you then you’re an idiot. Listen to me. You always need to look ahead, always look forward, never sideways or backwards. Forward.
He meant what he was saying and I couldn’t figure out why he was saying it. I got a sense that he may have made some mistakes in his life. He’s giving me a bit of knowledge that I can only learn by possibly experiencing the mistakes myself. I’ve heard all of this before but there was such sincerity in his voice that I couldn’t help but take it to heart. I didn’t know what to say.
Okay.
The moment you start to worry about what’s behind you and what you can’t control…well…then… you lost. Whenever something happens you always –
CLING! He was stopped mid sentence -
In the airport the receptionists act as the voice of God:
Flight 452 to Denver, Colorado is allowing upgrades for 99.00 dollars. That means you upgrade to business class – you’re the first one on and the first one off. Also, you have your own flight attendant.
The old man got up quickly and stopped himself in the middle of what he was saying.
- Time to upgrade.
That’s it? Are you really just going to Denver just to go?
Don’t worry about other people.
And he walked away at a snails pace. I imagine it would have been a little more dramatic if he had some zip to his step but it really didn’t matter. He was another mystery shopper as far as I was concerned. If I didn’t talk to him I probably would have unwillingly made a smartass comment mentally that I didn’t want to make. Regardless, it’s pointless to worry about what I may or may not have done, it doesn’t matter anymore because the moment is passed.
The man was well out of view. As my mind raced and was anxious to board a plane I was hit with a few definitive thoughts –
1) Travel is knowledge. When you travel you gain knowledge. I don’t care if it’s down the street - you learn something if you want too.
2) No matter how much you want to fight it the older generation will always be more settled with themselves and their beliefs.
3) Age means wisdom. It’s ironic because I want the wisdom but I don’t want to age.
A person’s personality can be determined by how they follow time. You’re always early, right on time, or perpetually late. If you’re the perpetually late person I think that your window of lateness should get a little smaller each time, the person you’re meeting with has the right to leave you at any moment after 11 minutes.
Time is around for a specific reason, and although it’s man made we still run our lives based off of the clock. The simple idea of time needs to be embraced a little more and we need to grasp our limitations in a certain time frame.
I think if you have a job and your workday requires you to work a specific set of hours you should have the option to sleep when you get tired. For Example: If it’s 12pm and you need a nap you can sleep for X amount of time, but that means you need to stay at work X amount of time longer.
If you wake up at 7am and go to sleep at 11pm you have been awake for a total of 16 hours. That’s not too many hours to be alive and awake per day – use the time wisely.
A looooong time ago people would refer to the time as: “12 of the clock” Which has evolved into using the phrase 12 o’ clock.
I’m convinced that in the future Time Travel has not yet been figured out. The moment time travel is figured out we’d be surrounded by Time Travelers, and we ourselves would be time traveling. This of course opens a time travel discussion and also if the future is happening now or if the future has already happened.
There is no way we can get around time; it’s inevitable no matter how you cut it. Until we simplify the Flux Compacitor we have no choice but to respect the framework of time. If you can’t respect time then you float and turn into David taking on a super Goliath.
I'm convinced that you can tell if a person is happy or unhappy by the way they drive their vehicle. I’d say it’s about 70 percent. The other 30 is skill, time, vision, age, and road size.
I don’t get it and I don’t care. I constantly watch America’s Got Talent. I sit and watch Nick Cannon try to emulate Ryan Seacrest and I watch these judges talk about absolute nonsense. I look at Howie Mandell’s weird patch of hair under his lip and wonder about his “signature” sign off where he waves from his forehead. I’m not really sure what the hell Sharon Osboure is talking about half the time but I listen. Piers, he is supposed to be the Simon Cowell of the group but he just doesn’t have the jackass persona like S.C. but still…he’s a jackass.
I always find myself watching this show, and I manage to turn it somehow at the correct time each week. I’m starting to think it’s meant to be, I think I’m supposed to watch this show.
Does anyone else watch this show? Am I crazy? Maybe it’s because I just loved Starsearch? What has happened to me?
One way or another YOUTUBE week is about finish up. Wild card week is done. Time to figure out who is going to headline Vegas.
We’ve seen what happens when big companies regulate themselves. From AIG to BP we’ve trusted that humans will do the right thing. It’s easy to sit back and go with the flow of what’s happening. We adapt to things we don’t like on a regular basis, but some times things have to change. There has to be a unified moment where the people without the pull realize that we actually DO have the pull. When we come together we can change anything we want.
A moment to test this theory is happening as we speak. Google and Verizon have outlined their “pact” and how it’s going to change the Internet… It’s not good. Our website freedom is going to be taken away and THEY will tell you what you can and cannot look at. Corporations force enough in our face on a daily basis and more and more regulation is starting to takes it’s toll. Let’s not let this happen to the Internet.
Here is some info regarding what is happening…
(Thank you Huffington Post)
1. Under their proposal, there would be no Net Neutrality on wireless networks -- meaning anything goes, from blocking websites and applications to pay-for-priority treatment.
2. Their proposed standard for "non-discrimination" on wired networks is so weak that actions like Comcast's widely denounced blocking of BitTorrent would be allowed.
3. The deal would let ISPs like Verizon -- instead of Internet users like you -- decide which applications deserve the best quality of service. That's not the way the Internet has ever worked, and it threatens to close the door on tomorrow's innovative applications. (If RealPlayer had been favored a few years ago, would we ever have gotten YouTube?)
4. The deal would allow ISPs to effectively split the Internet into "two pipes" -- one of which would be reserved for "managed services," a pay-for-play platform for content and applications. This is the proverbial toll road on the information superhighway, a fast lane reserved for the select few, while the rest of us are stuck on the cyber-equivalent of a winding dirt road.
5. The pact proposes to turn the Federal Communications Commission into a toothless watchdog, left fruitlessly chasing consumer complaints but unable to make rules of its own. Instead, it would leave it up to unaccountable (and almost surely industry-controlled) third parties to decide what the rules should be.
I forgot to bring my ipod with me today so I decided to put on some Kiis FM on my drive home. I was sitting in traffic moving at a snails pace, the clock read something like 5:50pm. I switched the station from Kiis...nothing...switch...nothing...switch... nothing.
For whatever reason I think that if I switch the radio station enough it will make time go faster, it’s kind of like opening the fridge over and over when you know nothing is there.
I made my way back to Kiis FM, otherwise known as Pop radio 101. I hit it just in time for a Jonas Brothers song, the song was called “Burnin’ up.” For whatever reason and I don’t know why my index finger slowly made it’s way away from the dash of my car, which meant Kiis FM, was staying. I immediately found myself listening to a Jonas Brother’s.
Many thoughts started to race through my head, the first one being “Why in the Hell am I listening to this!?” But I ignored that thought like a light breeze. Next thought, “How loud is this? I’m jamming out!” And finally the third thought, “Are my windows up? No they’re down! I need to put them up.” It was just as I was putting my window up when I passed another car and in complete synchronicity I heard a finely tuned Jonas song. That’s right, the car next to me was jamming out too. What the hell? It was some 20 something chick not caring about a thing. After seeing her I felt terrible, I felt confused, I felt like a grown man listening to the Jonas Brothers. But them… It Happened.
A third car, a third suspect was listening to the Jonas Brothers, I heard it coming from my right. I suspected it was another girl or possibly a mother convincing her kids Disney is good. But as I turned I noticed it wasn’t a mother at all, it was a 20 something guy…like me. I could tell he was a little reluctant to listen to the Jonai but he was. I haven’t experienced a 3 car similar station tune-in, like that in a long time but the Jonas Brothers brought us together. Who knows who else was jamming at that time?
How did this happen? Why did this happen? Is there something in their music that forces people not to switch? Is it a good song?
These questions are still sitting in my head. I think the Jonas are brainwashing us.
The Plan and some history: My Buddy – MAN is going out on a date with a female friend’s, friend - WOMAN (Hang in with me on the names). They have been out a few times and my Man friend has assured me they will be sleeping together tonight. I have convinced my female friend to compare notes of what her friend says about the date.
What does the opposite sex say? What do they think? What do they talk about in their spare time? It’s a thought that has run through my mind for longer than I would like to admit. My friends and I have conjured up ideas but who knows if I’m right. I hear that the woman’s mind works just like the man’s, which I actually believe.
The wheels have been turning in my head for a while with a plan to actually see the difference for myself. How could this be done? How can I see how a woman thinks and how a man thinks given the same exact scenario?
One day, one fateful day, it happened. The stars aligned and God looked down at me and said: “This is your moment.” The proper mixtures of people and moments have made what George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg would call The Perfect Storm.
Now, let me refer to the top and reference “The Plan.” What will he say? What will she say? Thanks to my female friend for allowing this to go through, after all, I think we’re all curious.
Disclaimer: I will not be telling Man nor Woman we’re doing this and understanding this is completely wrong is part of the appeal, but it’s in the name of Science.
The Morning After…
Question: Well, How’d it go?
Man: Dude, it was awesome. I took her to the pizza place that serves the pizza with every beer during happy hour. I started off with a Blue Moon, and she was drinking too, so you know…
Woman: It was okay. He took me to that place ----- he kept talking about. It was actually kind of disgusting because they served these little pieces of pizza with every beer you ordered. It’s a good idea, but bad execution on the restaurants part.
Were you drinking a lot?
Man: I was trying. Uh, you know, I ah, was definitely trying to plant the seed and keep her drinking you know. It’s all about seed germination.
Woman: I had to, the pizza tasted like shit.
Were you into him/her?
Man: When?
Woman: Ugh, he was getting annoying. He’s hot but annoying.
What did you talk about?
Man: I don’t even remember half the shit I said. I did the small talk you know, I made jokes about dogs and self deprecating humor jokes, so she can think I’m cute… That kind of talk, then midway through I just let her talk for a bit… to feel important.
Woman: I have no idea what he was talking about. He went on a rant about “E.T.” for about 35 minutes, and why he was a dork. He may have been nervous? He was asking me about movies, he’s never seen “Never Ending Story” so he asked me to tell him about it. Like, literally… tell him the whole thing from beginning to end, it was Godawful.
And you guys kept drinking?
Man: Yes, she was DOWN.
Woman: Unfortunately, I passed the threshold and just kept going. I had to, I didn’t want to listen to him much longer and I wanted to vomit the disgusting dinner.
Did you guys go home together?
Woman: Uh, Yes.
Man: Dude, I told you I was going to bang her.
How was it?
Man: Like Peanut Butter and Jelly.
(??)
Man cont: It didn’t take long but yeah we were going at it.
Woman: His house is gross, it smells like a t-shirt… or feet… or something thick you know? Which is surprising because he doesn’t really smell. But, I went into his bathroom and found his grooming supplies. I knew he plucked his eyebrows. But, yeah we slept together.
Wow, How was it?
Man: Awesome.
Woman: I don’t remember, and it’s not because I was drunk.
Did she/you spend the night?
Man: No, I told her she could but she didn’t. We laid there for a bit but she eventually took off. Perfect.
Woman: God no, I made something up to get out. But first I had to wake him because he was trying to cuddle with me.
Are you going to call him/her again?
Man: I’ll text her, in a few days.
Woman: I’m not calling. I don’t care if he calls me. Maybe I’ll call him sometime down the road… you know, late night.
Okay so are you happy I set you up or what? Final thoughts?
Man: Dude she’s hot. I don’t know what more I can say. I definitely kind of like her, I think? I don’t know. I try to stay away from likes and dislikes when it comes to this kind of thing. I don’t want to give the wrong impression you know? Girls are like, clingy. I don’t need clingy.
Woman: We’ll he’s totally confused. He’s a typical guy. Of course, you have to give into it on some level. It’s like a stroke of their confidence, no pun intended. You know the alpha who thinks that they know more than anyone else? That’s him. I feel like he has a dating plan. Or he may be a jealous clinger kind of guy. Who knows? But yeah, thanks for setting me up.
And so it is, the always-evolving man and woman. But what doesn’t change is the primal need for company. I don’t know if women are as sensitive as we make them out to be. Actually, I’m sure they’re not. I think the “games” aspect of dating is completely necessary even though both sexes knows it’s happening. I’m not too sure if dating has come a long way simply because of lack of experience. I’m just happy to have a girlfriend right now because I don’t want a random chick looking through my bathroom.
Final Note: Thanks to YOU, who participated and didn’t know it.
I couldn’t tell if my girlfriend slipped me a ruphee, if I was extremely tired, or if someone put a stupid spell on me. Then it hit me, in a flash I realized that it was none of this, what was happening is that I was watching a reality show called “Bethany getting married.” If you don’t know it’s a spinoff from another reality show called “The Real Housewives of New York” and if you don’t know what that is, consider yourself fortunate.
“Babe, what is this?”
“Bethany Getting Married.”
“Why are we watching this?”
“Well, she’s the smart one, she managed to make a career.”
The guilty pleasure of reality TV lives on and somehow along the way various individuals have managed to capitalize off of their 15 minutes of fame and stretch it into 15 days. Somehow I have found myself watching a show of someone who possesses absolutely no special qualities what so ever. Television once carried a stigma of accomplishment and vicarious entertainment. Now, it’s more compiled like Youtube than anything else, and I don’t necessarily know if that’s a bad thing. However, the difference is youtube reality clips range from 10 seconds to 5 minutes, and TV ranges from 30 minutes to a hour.
What is so appealing about these reality shows? Help me find out why this is such a guilty pleasure? Do we like to watch trainwrecks? Do we like to see that our lives actually aren’t that bad?
Who are these people and what is their skill? Why should I keep my eyes glued on them? Who knows but when I brought this exact question up to my friend it went down like this…
“Dude. What is the skill of these people?”
“Uh, their skill? Hmmm… Well, that they’re maintaining on TV.”
Dammit, he’s right. That is a skill, and the skill is somehow maintaining a presence on television. But wait, something doesn’t make sense – why am I watching them? It hit me, my friend that once produced hits like Seinfeld, Cheers, Friends, Mash, Cosby, LOST, and Arrested Development has duped me, it’s my TV. My buddy first named Tele, last name Vision has betrayed me. Or is it us?
We’re the culprits. We keep these shows on TV by watching them and feeding into them the way we do, and I am equally at fault for this to a certain degree, the proof is in the simple fact that I’m even writing this.
Whatever the case may be the TV audience is always the one who dictates what’s on TV and reality TV isn’t going anywhere, I’m doing my best to embrace new shows. Maybe one day I’ll find myself watching Jersey Shore meets the Hills called Jersey Hill.
My favorite bar in Hollywood is closing. It's a historic divebar located on Sunset Blvd. It's name - Ye Olde Coach and Horses. I've had many O' Nights there thinking and pondering my goods and bads. This is a bummer.
This is an article from La.eater.com and the full link is at the bottom.
The British pub Ye Coach & Horses in Hollywood next to Samuel French Books and Bonhams & Butterfields auction house is to be closed after 73 years. This historic watering hole designed in a classic Britain meets Hollywood style opened in 1937 was popular with British expats in Hollywood including Richard Burton and Alfred Hitchcock. During the 70s it was a favorite hangout of Jim Morrison, and in more recent times it was the haunt of Quentin Tarantino who with Tim Roth wrote scenes for Pulp Fiction on napkins. According to a source, Samuel French Bookstore, which owns the property, is increasing the rent and forcing the bar's closure at the end of the month. Apparently the current owner of the bar Jane Grant, 85, who inherited the bar from her husband Bob, has made poor business decisions and failed to sign a long term lease. New rents are charging around $8,000. A vanishing piece of Hollywood history. [EaterWire]
Feeling lost and confused is starting to become abnormally comfortable. Living a life of constant change isn’t what I imagined at this point in my life but it’s definitely what I chose. This unfortunate feeling seeps into my system from time to time and I resort to an activity that I know best: Roaming around Los Angeles on foot looking for clarity.
It’ about 11pm and I just started heading towards a grocery store more known for it’s people than produce. It’s called Ralphs but I found out that everyone calls it “Rock and Roll” Ralphs, why? No Idea. But, I’m making my steps towards Rock and Roll Ralphs and I’m feeling a major mental block with work. Currently I have a writing deadline, I’m supposed to have a writing sample submitted to someone in two days, and in about an hour when it reaches 12am it will be one day.
I’m confused on a few levels. First: “What the Hell am I going to write?” Second: “I’ve had one month to write this, I can’t think of anything, what the hell is wrong with me?” Third: “What if this writers block never leaves? What if my ideas are just somehow gone?”
The typical questions about my placement in this world begin to arise, I try and tell myself to stop looking so much into things but I can’t help it. I start wondering, what does it say about me that I analyze everything? Then - Shit, what does it say about me that I analyze me analyzing everything? I’m starting to fear that I’m the guy who just can’t get things done because I’m too busy thinking about doing it.
This walk leads me no choice, it leads me right into the very busy Ralphs grocery store to sit and people watch. If there’s one thing I need right now it’s to sit and make shallow assessments of people. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts and make these assessments sometimes but I’m human, it happens.
As I walk in I notice the groups of stereotypes. I see the husband and wives, the boyfriends and girlfriends, the single women buying vodka already drunk walking around the store, the single men trying to talk to the single ladies buying vodka. The Ralphs is a gathering of every culture in Los Angeles, and fortunately it has a seating area off to the side by a coffee bean. I’m planning to sit and just let my thoughts go, I’m about 30 seconds away from people watching mode when a piece of luggage is rolled next to me.
The luggage belongs to an older woman, probably about 65 years old, instantly I smell something sour and notice that her clothes haven’t been washed in who knows how long. The woman has a perpetual deer in headlight look, she may have had some eye surgery at some point in her life but I doubt it. She’s got some dirt scattered on her, I checked her hands and fingernails to see if they were clean – they weren’t. But, something was in her hands, a US Weekly magazine (which consists of all the Hollywood gossip) my mystery woman was clearly homeless, and she was standing looking at me.
She said:
“Are you waiting for someone?”
Should I lie? Should I tell her I am so I don’t get caught in this conversation?
“No, I’m just sitting here…. I’m Josh”
“I’m Beth.”
It was at that moment without hesitation my Midwestern roots popped in and I heard my dad’s voice echo in my head – Always extend yourself and shake someone’s hand when you meet them.
I stood up and extended my hand.
“Pleasure to meet you”
I felt the dryness of her hand hit mine, it felt like I was shaking dirt. I instantly knew I had to wash my hands. I’m naturally a person who likes to use my hands to think, which means I touch my face a lot. I really need to wash my hands, but I can’t be rude so I’ll do it later… just don’t touch your face.
Beth sat down in the unoccupied space next to me plopped her magazine on the table and said:
“I knew he was gay.”
“…What’s that?”
“I knew he was gay. Ricky Martin, I knew it.”
“Oh. (fake smile) Okay”
“My girlfriend was the one who injected the blood into him.”
This woman is starting to fill the shoes of the stigma she carries. Unfortunately many of us have encountered unfortunate individuals who at some point in their lives start losing touch with a certain reality. Which isn’t a bad thing, because something tells me this woman lives in her own reality, and that may be a different place than mine… good or bad.
“Blood? What?”
“You know the man’s blood into his penis. To make him homosexual.”
WHAT!?
I just nodded and gave a half -hearted smile because quite frankly I didn’t know what she was talking about. Although I’m about 250 percent certain one’s sexual preference isn’t determined by blood being injected into their reproductive organs I let her keep talking about her US weekly. She proceeded to make assessments about random celebrities and then began to discuss her former life as an actress. Apparently Beth had worked in a few films in her life and now she’s still waiting for her big break.
Beth discussing her former life made my head wander. How can I not think my fate will take her road at some point? It sounded like she and was chasing a dream, a dream that never stopped or maybe never happened. There is something I find admirable about chasing what you actually want to do, probably because I’m currently doing it. But, more so because I like the idea doing what you want to do, and once you attain your dream it’s instantaneously your reality, and for me that’s what makes life exciting.
Beth is all over the place now talking, I should have been paying better attention but I wasn’t. I clicked my head back into gear and started to listen to her talk again, I thought I would engage for the sake of being rude.
“So, what are you doing here?”
“Waiting to cook.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I love cooking, and I’m waiting for them to bring the organic flour, not that generic shit.”
“I didn’t know flour could be generic.”
“Flour can be anything.”
Not sure if her comment just then was insightful or completely nuts but I nodded as if I knew exactly what she was talking about.
“You know, there’s a place called Whole Foods just down the street, I think all there stuff is organic, maybe they have the stuff that’s not so generic.”
“No! It’s from here. They told me they’d have it from here but their shipment isn’t in yet.”
I’m uncomfortable and I want to go. My Mr. Nice guy talk to this woman routine is dried up, I felt sorry for this woman but now I feel sorry for myself for even being here. In some odd way I think I was hoping this woman would create inspiration for me to write later on but actually she’s created fear. I’m planning my escape.
“Well, I think, I uh – “
“Will you look and tell me if there is flour?”
“What’s that?”
“Organic flour, I want organic flour. I need the flour, I need it for my daughter, and she likes the organic flour. It’s right over there in aisle 7 or 8.”
I feel bad for Beth.
“Sure, but I need to get going after, is that okay?”
Not sure why I just asked her if it was okay for me to leave but screw it, I’ll find this organic flour and be on my way. Maybe I should do some more walking and not get stuck sitting anywhere. Maybe I should just go home and try to write and wash my hands. One way or another, I need to find this woman some flour.
I stood up and smiled at Beth and started to make my way to look for some organic flour. As I did I immediately noticed the security guard begin to walk over towards me. Security and cops always make me feel like I’m up to no good, as he makes his way to me I subconsciously put on my annoyed face so he won’t talk to me. But, he talks to me.
“Excuse me man.”
I’m looking back at a harmless 20 something security guard in a grocery store, he’s staring back at me like he knows more than me.
“Yeah.”
“Hey, that woman over there, she’s nuts man, she’s crazy.”
“Okay.”
“The one you’re talking to man.”
“No I know who you meant, I’m just looking for something for her.”
“I know, she always comes in here, she doesn’t buy anything. Man, I’m telling you she’s crazy man, crazy. I always kick her out, but she just keeps coming back in.”
That word crazy stuck out. I admittedly also think this woman is crazy but to hear it from this guy made it sound worse for some reason. Crazy carries a connotation of… well… crazy. It’s a word that get’s loosely tossed around and could potentially actually tell you if someone is crazy or not.
“Well, let me just find something for her.”
“Is it about that flour she wants? We don’t have it, that’s what she’s always talking about, some special flour for some cookies or some shit.”
“Listen man, I’m just going to get going okay.”
“Can you just tell her we don’t have it, tell her we never have it?”
This is just weird now. I walk back to my lady who, I can tell has been eyeing me like I’m in the wilderness. I tell her that they don’t have organic flour, even though I already think flour is organic. She tells me it has to SAY it’s organic, and they never say organic flour.
Whatever.
“Hey, I’m going to get going, good luck, I have to get home.”
As I extended my hand again (MAKE SURE I WASH MY HANDS!) she didn’t extend back. Apparently she knew I had a conversation with the security guard:
“What did the rent a cop say to you?”
“Oh, uh, nothing.”
“I know he thinks I’m crazy, he tells me I’m crazy and I need to go home, but I’m not crazy, I don’t think I’m crazy. Do you think I’m crazy?”
If there is one thing I have learned in my life it’s to never tell a WOMAN that she’s crazy. I don’t care who the woman is, you never tell them they are crazy…. Especially one’s you’re dating… But that’s beside the point. I don’t think you can tell a homeless woman she is crazy because who knows what will happen, she has nothing to lose.
“I don’t think you’re crazy.”
“Liar!”
Woah! Her yell caught me off guard.
“Okay good luck Beth.”
As I started to make my way out she stung me with something, whether or not it she meant it when she said it I thought about it the entire walk home.
“They told me they would have the organic flour! And now they don’t! I’m not the crazy one. I’m trying to make something perfect, something that requires the perfect flour, okay! I’m not crazy, I just want what they told me they would have, this is what I want, I want the perfect flour.”
Then she mumbled…
“People don’t understand that passion and crazy are the same thing, and I want to cook all night. I want perfect flour.”
And that was it, that’s what led me to the door. That seemingly odd conversation to an even odder previous set of events had me walking at a fast pace to get home, I knew exactly what I was going to write.
I walked into my house quickly and quietly and headed straight for the computer. I knew I should go and give my girlfriend a kiss and let her know I’m home but I needed to type. I had been gone for almost 2 hours and I need to turn in a story to use as a sample. I began typing at a very rapid pace. It was as if my walk of clarity worked even though I didn’t do much walking, I immediately typed the title:
Adventures of Ingredients
It was about a woman banished to a grocery store, only able to leave when the perfect ingredients come in, and she has to cook her way out.
Sounds cheesy yes, but it was somewhat of a child adventure. Most importantly I was flowing with ideas. Before I knew it, it was 3:47am and I’m not too sure I had moved from the computer. I heard the bedroom door open and footsteps coming to me. It was my girlfriend.
I imagine that when she opened the door only to see the light of my monitor blasting off my face I may have looked like a mad scientist. She said:
“Babe, what are you doing? Come to bed.”
“I can’t, I can’t I need to finish this writing, I’m almost there.”
“How much longer?”
“Not sure? Maybe a few hours?”
“You’re crazy babe, just come to bed when you can.”
My girlfriend meant no harm but little did she know she used the keyword of the night – CRAZY. As she headed back to the bedroom I wanted to yell to her that I’m not crazy I’m just passionate about this and it needs to be perfect, I need to get it done. My perfect ingredients are coming together to make my story and I need to utilize them.
Whether or not Beth knew it she really got to me with those final comments:
“People don’t understand that passion and crazy are the same thing, and I want to cook all night. I want perfect flour.”
Sure, the context sounded completely ridiculous but I get it. The store told her she would have exactly what she needed and now she’s waiting it out, is she really that crazy? Is she crazy to want that perfect thing? Is her craziness what got her to that position in the first place?
My girlfriend gave me a moment to let this all sink in. With some sort of passion there is most definitely some sort of crazy. These two words are holding hands as far as I’m concerned and this is in every area of life …love…work…family’s…emotionally…physically… sport…the list goes on.
I don’t know where this leads me and I certainly hope one day I’m not roaming into Ralphs for perfect food, but I do know that my passion to do what I want is not going to go away, and I’m not sure where that will lead. I’m pretty sure this lives in all of us, and the more we express our crazy the more we express our passions.
I was walking down a set of stairs recently when I over heard two women talking…
“blah blah blah blah”
“Yeah but I bet he’s good in the sack”
“blah blah blah blah”
I know they’re talking about sex right now, and I know what good in the sack means, but do I know what it really means?
What are the origins? This is my breakdown… I think it means if two people were tossed into a actually sack they would fool around and have some fun… Like two shrunk people in a confined space - or sack. That thought alone makes me laugh.
I checked out what is not only being called the worst movie of his career but one of the worst movies in the past decade. M Knight Shymalan’s: The Last Airbender.
Let me just say one thing. I’m a huge M Knight fan. I liked his first few movies but then Lady in the Water Happened. I cut him some slack but then The Happening happened and I was just confused. But, the one thing that I always liked about this guy is that he continuously took chances and made movies that stretched our belief in common day.
The problem with the M Knight is that he started on top of the world out of nowhere. He’s like the R.L. Stein of movie making (90’s reference). Everyone’s expectations are through the roof with him, which lead us to always expect some twist or turn at the end of his films. Clearly, he’s made awesome things and we’re all recognizing this otherwise the critics wouldn’t be tearing him apart like he’s responsible for the BP oil spill.
Review time:
Did I like this film… It was Ehhhhh. It definitely had some cool parts, the fighting was interesting, special effects were good, and the overall idea of using the elements to your advantage kept me interested. BUT, the acting from some of the lead kids (Not the Slumdog Millionaire) was just not good. I think it was too much to handle.
The other main issue with this film is that there was so much going on that it almost felt like the story was all over the place. However, the upside to that problem is this is based off of a cartoon I’ve never seen and something tells me he tried to fit a massive amount from the TV show.
I really wanted to like this film, then I read the reviews and saw that just about nobody liked it so my expectations fell FLAT, then I went and saw it - waiting for something terrible to happen and for me to say “okay this sucks” but that didn’t happen. My emotions were basically everywhere, and I think they still are.
NOW - Going into this film it’s important to understand that this is a kid’s film. How do we know this? Aside from it being PG and based off of cartoon, the 50 kids in the theater were cheering throughout the movie. Those kids cheering and wanting more is the key to the equation. It’s what’s being overlooked. If the idea was to entertain kids – it worked. If the idea was to entertain everyone – it didn’t work at all.
Let’s lay off this man for a minute shall we? He’s not that bad, and it’s saying something that we all hold one person on such a high pedestal. I admit he should probably stick to directing and end the writing. I’ll also admit this movie had the potential to be a Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter in regards to epic tone. But, it wasn’t.
M Knight will live to direct another day, and when that day comes I will most likely be seeing his movie on opening weekend while I read reviews of how he will never direct again.
This article is from GOOD. The link is at the bottom of the page.
If you didn’t already know it, biking and walking are really good for you. Thanks to a new study released by the Alliance for Biking and Walking (and funded by the CDC) we now have the data to prove it. There is a lot of great information in the study and I recommend you check it out. But for those of you on the fly, a few highlights:
-Less than 10% of all trips are made by bike or foot
-From 2000-2007 the number of commuters who bike to work increased by 42%
-States with the highest levels of cycling and walking have the lowest levels of adults with hypertension, obesity, and diabetes
-New Yorkers (not a big surprise) make more of their trips by foot or bike than any other state- almost 19% of their trips
-North Dakota, South Carolina, Delaware and Mississippi tied for last place– only about 5% of trips are made by foot or bike
One quandary (and a reason many people stay in their cars) is that study also shows cyclists and pedestrians are at a disproportionate risk of being killed. Not a big surprise when you consider that less than 2% of the federal transportation budget is allocated towards walking and biking. Savvy policy makers might consider the public health benefits (and corresponding impact on health care budgets) when divvying up the monies next time around.
Photo: Flickr / stevemacdonald
This post originally appeared on www.refresheverything.com, as part of GOOD's collaboration with the Pepsi Refresh Project, a catalyst for world-changing ideas. Find out more about the Refresh campaign, or to submit your own idea today.
Just once a year? On March 27th of this year it was "Earth Hour" Does this strike anyone else as a little odd? It's just once a year? Really?
Let's get this going to be once a month, and extend that hour shall we. I say we do it from 8pm until the next morning - every single month on the 15th.
What is Earth Hour you ask? Well it's pretty simple, it's lights and electronics off. So, Along with trying to get this going more than once a year I want a name change so something like... Lights Out Earth Time.
If this were Jerry Maguire I would be holding a fish asking Renne Zellweger "Who's coming with me!?"
But seriously, Who's coming with me? I don't really see any cons with this. I think it's a necessity at this point with the energy we're using. The 15th of EVERY MONTH 8pm until the next day. Think about how much fun the dark is, get the candles ready because we're doing this.
Do you like your job? Do you like what you do every day? It’s so common day to make a joke to anyone about the week almost being over or “can’t wait to be off work.” Why are we all at fault for saying this? Are we tried? Do we just say it to relate to someone else?
How has this happened to the majority of all of us, how have we come to a point where when you look at someone you know it’s not necessarily what they want to be doing? This doesn’t apply to all but like I said earlier… the majority.
Is it the system? Is it us? Is it the commercials and advertisements depicting HOW we feel but not really asking? Are we positioned this way?
I think the common goal is to get to that point in life where we’re not saying anything negative about work, or our days IN work. Wouldn’t it be great to not really know you’re working but to get paid? To go through your life being passionate about what you’re doing and when a paycheck comes you say “I can’t believe I’m paid for this.”
I’ve never been so certain that life and our surroundings are how we create it. Every single day tests our ingenuity, resilience, change, and creativity and how we implement it in our day to day. Each day is for trusting what you know but being open and ready to learn something new.
Trust what you know and don’t let your surroundings dictate how you feel, if the surroundings make you unhappy – find something new to look at until you’re happy staring at it.
My girlfriend Jill has officially taken the lead she’s about 5 steps ahead but I’m slowly drifting further behind. Waiting for the two of us is Phyllis, a nice older woman who smiles as her hands rest on her hips. Seeing Phyllis I get a little nervous I wonder how I can bail out of my situation. I think that I’m a few steps behind Jill so maybe I can run and say I’m sick, but I realize that won’t work I’ve already smiled at Phyllis. Dammit, this is it, I’m getting closer and I’m about to come face to face with fear. That face is in the form of a nice old lady.
“Hello, I’m Phyllis.”
“Hi, I’m Josh and this is Jill.”
“Josh and I are really excited to see the apartment.” Said Jill.
It’s official. The communication has been established. The nice old lady who’s acting manager at the Sweetzer Apartments has just become my obstacle. She’s been in communication with my girlfriend for a few days and she has a “great apartment.” My girlfriend knows I need space and she clearly used that to her advantage, she found a place with ample room and two bedrooms. She knows I’m dying for a office and the second bedroom would be just that, Jill knows know so much about me but also knows so little about me, it’s funny how that works.
I currently live in a studio apartment and although I’m extremely cramped I would consider myself content. I’ve been discussing moving in with my girlfriend for months now and I’ve always figured out a way to dodge the subject when she brings it up. For some reason she can’t understand that being a 24 year old male means I’m afraid to make various commitments. I’m afraid to move in because I’d feel as though I’m about to start a future with someone who isn’t me. That’s not to say I don’t love her, it just means I love a lot of stuff she may not be able to coexist with.
My coexisting fears are about to get toyed with because I decided not too run 30 seconds ago. As I look at my girlfriend smiling towards Phyllis all I can think is that if Phyllis knew how I felt she’d have sympathy on me and tell us someone already rented the apartment. I wonder if Phyllis has a husband because maybe he can relate with me, I’d give him the man look and by some form of telepathy he’d understand everything. I wish there was a guy here.
We enter the spacious place and yes it’s nice. As my girlfriend looks around at the walls I immediately make my way to the office and bedroom. It’s been bugging me Jill keeps calling it a two bedroom apartment because she knows I want a office, then I hear Phyllis say:
“Two huge bedrooms.”
No, it’s my office, but I get it and Phyllis doesn’t know. As I look around I can’t help but admit that I like it. However I have to ask myself what I’m doing with myself right now. Since I’m feeling these issues and insecurities in my relationship something is off right? Something can’t be right. Looking at Jill I know I love her, she’s great but why am I so hesitant to move in with her. Am I feeding into the stereotype that men hate commitment? On top of all of this I have to ask myself why am I not able to split up with my girlfriend if I needed too? Or am I?
Jill is gushing about the greatness of where we are, little old Phyllis hands her two applications and the two continue to talk about nonsense, I stand off to the side with a dumb smile on my face. I start to recollect all of the older men who have told me to enjoy my youth. They’ve told me to take advantage of moments in my late teens to early 20’s. I’ve always thought I was but now that I think about it, am I? Should I be aimlessly sleeping around with women and making decisions I am going to regret tomorrow. I think that if it’s about regret than I have that area locked because I have a feeling I may regret some things if I sign that lease.
Phyllis looks to me with a huge smile and tells me it was great to meet me, of course she reminds me it’s a 30 dollar fee to process my application.
We’re heading back to Jill’s place and silence sits on my end, Jill can’t stop gushing, every word she speaks starts to press on my chest like a weigh has fallen on me. I realize I’d feel comfortable moving in with Jill if I didn’t have to sign anything, I’d rather have the option to bail at any moment, but the 3 syllable word rings in my ear… Com-mit-ment.
We’re parking and while I walk to retrieve some material from the trunk I see a dark featured woman walking my way. She is beautiful and my double take has turned to a triple take. Then, since I realize Jill is standing next to me it’s okay if I say hi, because it’s almost as if I’m saying hi from the both of us.
“Hello!” I say.
Her radiating smile gleams back to me, “Hi!” she says.
Oh my God she was beautiful, who is this girl? She’s going to her car and I may want another peek and her. If I wasn’t such a nice guy that may have seemed weird, but Jill knows me better, and I’ll say Hi to a dog if it passes. Thus far I’m in the clear with my pleasantry. Although I generally greet people this was different, I think this girl and I just shared something. Between me closing the trunk, her walking to her car, and Jill talking about the 2 bedroom (office) I think that if this were a fairy tale I may get to know this princess. She was too beautiful not to take a chance. But as I know, this is no fairy tale and she’s about to drive from the apartment.
I start to walk very slowly to the door to let Jill and I in. I mentally map out the girls trajectory and this girl is going to have to drive past. My man mind tells me I am going to shoot her a quick “Good Bye” smile. This is my last attempt for a fairy tale moment, and I want my smile on her mind as she drives.
I approach the door and hold it for Jill, she walks but I hold it a little longer. I’m waiting for the mystery woman to drive, she’s coming around another parked car, my smile is just a few moments away. I become aware that my door holding is feeling a twitch too long. Shit! Please hurry car, Jill looks at me, I act like I can’t get the keys out. This is the longest moment ever. Please hurry car, okay here she comes. My moment is in 3….2…1…and SMILE, little head nod, Keys out, smooth.
It worked, I got the smile back- this was a victory. The car drives away and I turn back around to enter with Jill, and it was that moment my victory has been overshadowed by the bigger picture. That picture being my girlfriend is not stupid. The elevator doors open, we both step in.
I really hope that I’m imagining my girlfriend catching that interaction. She couldn’t have. Her mood has turned to complete quiet, I know she knows but I keep trying to tell myself otherwise. The elevator doors open, we walk down the long hallway to her apartment.
I kind of want her to say something, but I hope she doesn’t, what is she thinking? Please don’t say anything - please don’t say anything - So far so good.
And then…
“Why did you hold the door open so long?”
Immediately,
“Ha! What? What? Held the door, what?”
“You just held the door to look at that girl didn’t you?”
“Girl? What girl….Ohhh..Pshhh… Please come on. You’re crazy.”
Well, I think it’s safe to say she knows.
As we enter her apartment it stays like this, but the mood is oddly eerie and I sense that crazy comment didn’t sit too well.
“Why did you smile at her?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You held the door.”
“Babe please, come on.”
As we have this conversation I am pacing around and expressing that I am completely dumbfounded. I know where this is going, and I’m about to enter a very awkward argument. I’m about to lie about checking out a girl, then Jill will talk to me about the apartment and I will lie and tell her I’m excited. I tell myself I’m lying because I’m going to make her feel better but in actuality I’m afraid. I don’t want to deal with the reality of the situation. I don’t think Jill understands any of my frustration and how can she?
“Can we talk for a second.”
“Um, sure.”
“Come sit down.”
Uh oh. I usually can drink water and pace when we have these kinds of conversations, but not this time.
I was waiting for Jill to confront me even more, she was about to blast me and I knew I was going to feel real bad real soon but she said something unexpected. It’s as if God was giving me the thumbs up-
“Josh listen, I know this is difficult for you. I get it, all of this. The apartment stuff is a huge step, and I know you probably feel a little cramped with me. The last thing I want to do is pull us apart, so let’s not let that happen. (I’m staring like a deer in headlights). I know you may want to see other girls or look at them…or whatever, and that’s okay. So just be upfront with me, have some fun but be up front. If you’re feeling claustrophobic, please let me know, but I know you love me. And if you want to have some fun or a thing, that’s fine, we can have some fun.”
Wait… What?
“What?”
“You know, let’s take a moment to think about the apartment, and also let’s have some fun okay.”
“I, ah, I’m a little confused.”
“I love you Josh, okay, you know that. I don’t want us to lie to each other, we’re better than that, and I want to stay together.”
As I drove home I remembered exactly why I loved my girlfriend. She’s so damn great. What the hell is wrong with me? I posses a woman who carries more knowledge than me, she is absolutely right. She understands me with without me saying anything, and she just offered me the opportunity to have a thing with another girl. I don’t know if I can ask for anything better than what I currently have. The apartment was somewhat in the back of my head, but currently I’m too focused on the free pass I seemingly received.
When I entered my apartment complex I immediately ran to Corey’s room. I have a few very close friends living around and Corey has known me the longest and knows how to deal with situations. He is my go to mentor on many occurrences. Not only will he sit and listen for hours he always finds a way to tie it back to his life and then tell me a solution to any quandary. This time I had no quandary, I just wanted to tell him what happened with Jill. I knocked on Corey’s door and as expected he opened in typical inviting fashion.
“I have to talk to you.”
I told him everything: The apartment to the girl, to the look, and then to the reaction, then the completely unexpected reaction. He sat and listened as I spoke a mile a minute. I kept reiterating the fact that she just told me I could have some fun, and I never thought I would be in this position. I just cannot believe it. And as Corey typically does he offers insight, however this time it caught me off guard.
“So she said you guys should be open?”
“Yes!”
“And she said WE should have some fun or YOU should have some fun?”
“Wait…What?”
“Well did she mean both of you or just you?”
“Just me…I think.”
“Well why would it be just you?”
Oh my, he’s right. Now I can’t remember. I’m trying to recall the things Jill said to me but I can’t recall a thing. I thought she just meant me, but of course I would think that, I’m selfish. Why would it be just me?
“Corey do you think she meant that she wants to have some fun too?”
“Yeah, actually I do. I think you opened the flood gates with that look to the girl and agreeing to this.”
I felt sick to my stomach I told Corey thanks but actually I meant “Thank you for nothing you asshole.” I proceeded to my room and immediately called my girlfriend.
It’s funny how this works, that express wanting your cake and eating it too has never been so true. I feel it’s okay for me to “have fun” but it’s not okay for my girlfriend, what a moron I am. As I called Jill she told me she was going out with her friends tonight. I asked her if she wanted to hang out but just told me she thought it would be good if we were with friends.
This couldn’t be worse. I only thought that Jill wanted to meet another guy. Before we hung up I told her I loved her about 8 times and that I wanted to talk about what we talked about earlier. She told me we’d talk later, my sick stomach just turned to panic.
I was panic sick alone in my small studio apartment. I had been in their for about 10 minutes but it felt like 3 hours. Maybe Corey was wrong. Corey’s life meter could be wrong this time so I needed a second opinion I needed my friend Alex. Within moments I was knocking on Alex’s apartment.
“Do you want to grab a beer?”
“Of Course.”
As we walked to a close bar the therapy session continued. The same thing I said to Corey I said to Alex, but this time I was hoping to get a different response. My venting continued up until we ordered our first Beer. We sat down, I took a sip and Alex looked at me and said:
“Sounds like she wants to have some fun too.”
I proceeded to drink my beer faster and pulled out my phone to text my girlfriend. Alex tried to show me the upside to things by acknowledging I still too could have some fun. But at this point I wanted no fun. I just wanted a pure girlfriend. I currently can’t imagine her telling me about some great guy she met that she proceeded to have fun with. And I can’t go crazy about it because I agreed to this and actually enjoyed the idea… When it was about me.
When we finished the second beer I excused myself to the bathroom. Which meant one more call because I didn’t want too look to pathetic in front of my buddy. Jill answered as I was pacing alone in the small bathroom.
“Babe, I miss you do you want to meet up later?”
“I’ll Call you later okay. Josh, please just relax this is all going to be okay.”
“I am relaxed.”
“I just want to be with you and you should have your space, I can smolder you sometimes, I get it.”
“You don’t smolder me.”
“Babe, just enjoy your night stop worrying.”
“I’m not worried.”
“Babe, I love you.”
I could be over reacting but that was no help whatsoever, I spent another 5 minutes just thinking about what she could be doing. In my mind she was riding a mechanical bull while men threw money at her. But she was probably just hanging out with her friends. I need to just relax and remember how this all started. I took a deep breath and decided to tell Alex why I was gone so long. I figured he knew, or he didn’t care but it would give me a open to talk more about this.
As I exited the bathroom time slowed down. The beautiful princess from earlier was standing in the middle of the bar smiling. Her smile was just as great as before, I can’t believe she is in here. Is this destiny? Is something happening here bigger than what I can imagine? A fury of thoughts came into my head. What the hell do I do? Do I talk to her? Is this a test?
I decided I would just say hi, that’s it. I’m still shaken from my girlfriend being out and I don’t want to jinx the situation. Okay so I’d say hi and then a little flirting BUT THAT’S IT. As I got closer her smile was in a odd direction, it was facing where I was sitting.
A few more steps revealed she was talking with Alex. My buddy was making his move on the princess.
“Josh this is Megan, I think she lives by Jill.”
“Um Hi.”
Megan said: “Do I know you?”
“Um, well, I think you actually live in the same complex as my girlfriend Jill.”
It clicked for her “Ohhh, right. Hi nice to meet you. This is my favorite bar, are you guys always here?”
“Sometimes.”
Megan excused herself for a second and as she walked away Alex was glowing with happiness.
“How hot is she!”
Alex didn’t put 2 and 2 together; he was too caught up in her beauty. I didn’t say anything because he’d already listened to me enough. A part of me wishes I made more emphasis on the girl when I was telling Alex about earlier. But I was too caught up in “having fun.”
“Josh this girl seems really cool.”
“Great.”
I watched Megan make her way back over and engage with Alex. I have suddenly become the sidekick to this scenario. I took another large swig of my beer. All I could think is that I would love nothing more than to be with Jill living and laying with her right now in a two-bedroom apartment, having no fun.
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