Short Story Sunday...Women 1 thing

Women: 1 thing

Everyone has his or her opinion concerning the opposite sex, and the same sex for that matter. People love to give out advice. Typically they’ll jump at the opportunity to vent knowledge. Every specific individual seems to undoubtedly know one fact or tidbit of information about the opposite sex. In my experience it seems all men know at least 1 thing about women learned through personal experience…

- Act like you don’t care.
- Don’t call them back.
- Don’t call back someone you sleep with on the first night.
- …You can never say that to a woman.
- Women are like…
- …yeah… All women are the same.

I was fresh out of a long-term relationship and I kept hearing the same thing over and over again. “Josh, you have to sleep with women.” The logic behind sleeping with many women is that you tend to forget your past, and you remember that other women are in the sea, and they’re yours for the taking. I guess I wasn’t wired like some of my friends because I didn’t want to sleep with other women. I wanted to sulk, I wanted to lay around my house depressed, not eating, and being angry with women. Maybe that was the softer side of me speaking. It could that I was raised by women and subconsciously I didn’t want to go do that, or maybe it was just because I was upset with my recent relationship.

“Women are not the same anymore.”

I’ve been hearing that statement for years. I feel like any time I’d read a book, which touched on personal relationships with women, the man would always say that. Apparently women have evolved over time, they’re not the same. Every decade women become more independent, crude, and sexual, they apparently are becoming men. As men we think that the women in our time are more advanced than women before us. This is probably true, and this is what I’m dealing with now. I’m fresh out of a break up and tossed into a sea of women who act like men. Great, in essence I’m going to be pursuing the pursuer.

My friend Ethan finally convinced me to “get off my ass and get outside.” This was the time I chased after the opposite sex. He motivated me into setting up a few dates and going out for a few drinks. He was the catalyst I needed, and he was kind enough to take this into his own hands. I guess he’s seen enough of me lying on my couch. Ethan set up a date with his friend Stephanie. I knew Stephanie, and we had planned to grab a bite to eat at a pizza restaurant mid day. This mid day date truly made me feel like an adult, I don’t know why but just the set up made me feel one step away from posting an ad in the newspaper or online for a date.

I was sitting at the table waiting for my mid day date and right before meeting with Stephanie I had a sense of cheating. I was so accustom to being with someone else that it felt wrong to meet new people. I already could see the liberation in dating new women. How did I ever forget this feeling? It was at that moment she walked in, I stood up to greet her and we both sat down.

Stephanie was pretty. She had very soft features but carried a sense of uncertainty. I couldn’t tell if she always felt this way or was presented our situation and feels funny on our date. I started to examine everything she was saying and wearing, and it was at that moment I noticed the flaw – She’s wearing cowboy boots. I didn’t understand the boots, this is Los Angeles, it’s 80 degrees outside and you’re wearing boots. Come to think of it she’s wearing a cowboy themed outfit. This is going to be a problem I thought. I’m not to hot on cowboy apparel but something doesn’t match with her outfit. I didn’t know what the hell I was saying, am I really critiquing her clothes?

Stephanie kept talking and talking. We discussed football, actors, movies, I would regularly resort back to Ethan and “how good of a guy he was” managing to fill in gaps of the conversation. But who cares about the conversation I just kept thinking about her boots, her brown cowboy boots…that don’t match her outfit! I had to ask her about the boots, I just had to know how often she wears them, I wondered if this was a one-time thing or maybe this is her style. All I knew is that I wasn’t used to them and I needed answers. And then it came out –


I sat in front of Ethan, the date now a memory. I didn’t have to tell him how it went he’d already talked with Stephanie.

“Josh, you asked about her BOOTS!?”

“Yes.”

“What’d you say?”

“I said why are you wearing cowboy boots?”

He couldn’t believe it. Apparently I sounded judgmental almost to a point of me making fun of her. I had no intention to make fun of her it was just a question burning my mind. Still Ethan couldn’t grasp this.

“So you’re telling me that of all the things to talk about you couldn’t leave out her boots? You know you never ask a girl about her fashion, you only compliment them!”

“No, that’s ridiculous! You know what… Yes I did say it and sure maybe I was judging her but she was judging me! It’s not my fault I dressed in my casual attire, she could have made fun of my jeans and shirt if she wanted!”

“You just don’t say that!”

“Why? Is it against the rules!? You want to know something else… It felt great! It felt great speaking my mind and not caring. I have no emotions towards Stephanie, I didn’t need to impress her, and I was myself!”

I was shocked this just came out of my mouth. I was myself, this felt amazing. Ethan stayed stubborn on the situation that I shouldn’t say some things. I didn’t care, and I thought it was insane to have rules on what to do and not to do. Ethan rolled his eyes and found some humor in this, I never saw Stephanie again but I decided I’m going to get out more and see more girls.

Soon I was going out with Ethan regularly, however I was facing the same problem time and time again. I was picking at the flaws I saw in the opposite sex, and trust me they all had their problems. Very quickly I became an extremely superficial person, but I think only Ethan and I knew. He understood it too. I justified my internal superficiality as an outward display of insecurity. In my mind that somehow made things seem better but ultimately I was upset I was recently broken up with.

One night I went out with Ethan and met the first girl I was very attracted too, Liz. She had very dark features, a great smile, and a seductive way about her. I met her at a loud restaurant/bar where she was eating with a group of her girlfriends. Liz turned out to be from Canada working as an assistant for a Public Relations firm in Los Angeles. She went on and on to tell me she wanted to move to Los Angeles full time, and she loved everything about it here. Liz then invited me to a bar for a late night get together. I told her I just had to talk with my friend but it sounded like a great idea. The place was an upscale place located in Hollywood, she was skeptical I could get in but I assured her I’d see her there.

In Los Angeles if you’re an attractive woman you don’t have to worry about being “rejected” at an establishment. This very idea of rejecting individuals irked me, and this is why I didn’t go out. The catch was that I had to understand it at this point in my life because on a smaller scale I was doing the same thing – judging who comes close to me or not.

Fortunately Ethan loved to go out, which meant he had access to all of these places a person like me couldn’t typically enter. I told Ethan Liz wanted to meet, he told me it was a great idea, he knew how we could get into the bar, he “knew someone.” Sure, fine by me. I exchanged phone numbers with Liz and told her I looked forward too seeing her, which I was. Liz left the restaurant and Ethan hung around a while longer. Time flew past and before we knew it, it was 1am. It was time to go and meet Liz.

Outside of the chic bar Ethan was talking to his good friend, this was the guy who was supposed to allow us entrance into the place. The “friend” gave a look at me and told me I couldn’t come in but Ethan could. Apparently the excuse was that there were too many men inside. All I could think about is how shallow this town was, and oddly I began to feel upset that I had been so upfront with women. I hope I wasn’t hurting their feelings. It is beyond me that some of the things in this town are accepted but I guess it’s the nature of the beast, and right now I had no choice but to accept it. I felt completely embarrassed so I came up with a plan so Liz didn’t think I was left out in the cold…

Plan: Ethan heads inside the bar. If he sees Liz he tells her I am inside somewhere but hasn’t seen me. I will call Liz and buy some time by telling her I can’t hear her on the other end. The bar we were trying to get into was extremely loud and very crowded, this worked in my favor. If Liz were to ask where I was I’d blame it on the large area, she’d never know. If she text messages me I’ll play confused. The bar closes in about an hour and I’ll tell her I’ll meet her outside because I’m beginning to feel claustrophobic.

Ethan bought the plan, he headed in and I waited outside. Sure enough she called… she left me text messages… she asked Ethan where I was. I was sitting around the corner by one of the exits on the outside ledge of the building. I know I looked completely out of place. I kept referencing my watch hoping that the place would close, finally it did. I wrote Liz a message, I told her I’d wait outside. Eventually Ethan came walking out with his friend and soon so did Liz, the plan worked brilliantly and now I’m talking with her outside of the bar.

Liz was right to the point: “Do you want to come over?” Wow I thought. I told her I’d go home with her. I told Ethan what was going on, he gave me the thumbs up and within fifteen minutes I was following Liz to her apartment.

On the ride over all I could think about was how spontaneous this was. I loved this aspect of dating, and I loved having the freedom of doing something like this. I kept thinking about the events that led up to me driving behind Liz’s black Jeep. I looked down at my clothing, jeans and my superman t-shirt. I never thought of it but maybe that’s why I didn’t get let it to the club, I’m dressed so casual, either way that’s behind me and I’m heading to a girls house I just met.

We drove to Santa Monica and Liz pulled into her parking spot first, she ushered me to my proper spot, I got out of my car and started to head into her house. This was unfamiliar territory for me, I’ve been in this position before but something was different this time, I felt grown up. As I entered her two-bedroom apartment she told me her roommate may or may not be coming home, so the house is ours. Wow.

Liz grabbed us beers and I looked to see it was 3am. I thought about the millions of guys who are in the same position I’m in. Then a familiar thought hit me: Women are not the same anymore. Liz and I proceeded to get closer and closer out of the blue she told me she wanted a cigarette, I don’t smoke but I’ll definitely stand outside with her as company.

We went outside to the lower floor. As she smoked I noticed there was an entrance to her apartment roof. I asked her about it and she said we could go on top. It looked pretty high and in my mind seemed pretty amazing so I upped the ante and suggested we take a blanket and lay on the roof. Liz was clearly startled by my request but she was open to the suggestion. She flicked her cigarette, grabbed the blanket, and we headed up the stairs.

We laid on surprisingly soft surface, I placed my fresh beer next to me, and we both stared into the sky. Somehow this just became very romantic, I wondered how long we’d stay up here and if we’d see the sunset. I started to tell her my love for stars and the unknown. She was agreeing with everything I was saying, either she didn’t care or she actually was listening. What was happening to me right now was something I only had heard about- Laying with a pretty girl on a roof under the starlight. Somehow this is happening to me. Our conversation was silent, any logical man would have leaned over and kissed the beautiful girl, unfortunately I did not. I told her that I wished we had flying cars. I wished that our transportation were in the air as well as on the ground.

Liz then made the comment:

“Maybe we will in a few years.”

I laughed at her suggestion. It was a playful laugh because I thought she was kidding. It turns out she wasn’t kidding at all.

“Why couldn’t there be flying cars?” She said.

I told her that for starters we don’t have domesticated flying cars. We’d have to make new airways and specific positions for cars to fly in, and if there was a crash in the air… Oh that would be terrible. But for some unknown reason she felt strong about her opinion and she felt there could and will be flying cars.

No way I thought. She told me to let it go but I couldn’t. This argument was completely ridiculous and I can’t get it out of my head, hell, it’s not even an argument it was playful banter. I started to get worried about my reaction to this. I am suddenly becoming completely defensive to this girl. I’m throwing up a fight because she thinks we’d have flying cars and proper airways by 2013.

I had a flash of what was going on, I’ve been rude to the opposite sex and I’m finding reasons to flush them out of my life. I’m not ready for this world, and I don’t even know what the hell is going on. I’m on top of a roof spitting out nonsense about flying cars while lying on a blanket. I thought I was having a panic attack. I had to get off of this roof and out of this situation,

I wanted to tell her that I was sorry and I had to go, I wanted to be polite and get out of this situation. But no, I shot up and said in a stern voice:

“Liz, we’re not going to see any flying cars soon. You’re ridiculous to think that and I need to get the hell out of here!”

…I stormed from the roof knowing how dumb I just sounded.

The next day Ethan looked at me in complete confusion and disgust. He had no idea what I was doing and neither did I. I explained to him I’m not ready for this world of women. However, I knew that women are no longer the same, they’re much more aggressive than the past. He agreed.

I felt lost and confused I didn’t know what to make of women or the world that they live in. Some are aggressive some are not, some like one thing, some like the other. All I knew is that I needed some sort of change. I needed to get out of town and clear my head for a while. I was stuck, and the substance making me cling to the same spot surrounded me.

I didn’t know much about women but the one thing I walked away knowing is in this day and age, if you don’t know what you want...Women will internally eat you alive.